Belated Mother's Day Fun

Well, just because today is the day after Mother's Day doesn't mean we can't still have a little fun with it, does it?  I hope not, because I came across some good stuff today.  It's called "Why God Made Moms" and it is billed as "answers given by 2nd grade school children" to some questions.  I think someone sent it to me a long time ago on an email.  I tried to cut it down to just a couple of them, but they are just way too good to cut anything out.  Anyway, just had to share.

And, by the way, thanks to all who pitched in to make Mother's Day 2012 here at DMUMC extra special!  Betty Vance and Michael Jordan for a wonderful breakfast, and Darrell Justice, Carlos Baker, and Steve Barber for taking over worship duties so that I could sit back and just worship.  And boy, did I worship! 

Why did God make mothers?

1.  She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2.  Mostly to clean the house.

3.  To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1.  He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2.  Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

3.  God made my mom just the same like he made me.  He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1.  God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.

2.  They had to get their start from men's bones.  Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?

1.  We're related.

2.  God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.

What kind of a little girl was your mom?

1.  My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.

2.  I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

3.  They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1.  His last name.

2.  She had to know his background.  Like is he a crook?  Does he get drunk on beer?

3.  Does he make at least $800 a year?  Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?

1.  My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world.  And my mom eats a lot.

2.  She got too old to do anything else with him.

3.  My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?

1.  Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.

2.  Mom.  You can tell by room inspection.  She sees the stuff under the bed.

3.  I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?

1.  Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.

2.  Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3.  Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.

4.  Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?

1.  Mothers don't do spare time.

2.  To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?

1.  On the inside she's already perfect.  Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

2.  Diet.  You know, her hair.  I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?

1.  She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean.  I'd get rid of that.

2.  I'd make my mom smarter.  Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.

3.  I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

I'm So Confused!

Well, it's Advent, and ...... wait, that's not right!  It's not Advent..... not even close.  We've just come out of Lent, and we haven't yet entered Pentecost, so that must mean that we're in the Easter Season.  But, aren't we finished with Easter?  I mean, that was weeks ago, wasn't it?  

As United Methodists, we follow a liturgical calendar.  That just means that at certain times of the year, we "celebrate" or "commemorate" or somethingate those events in the life of Jesus and the early church.  It's confusing to say the least.  Like, the first Sunday of the Christian calendar year begins with the first Sunday of Advent, usually in very late November or very early December.  Seems odd, doesn't it?  Yeah, I think so too.  The very last Sunday of the Christian calendar year, usually just before or after Thanksgiving, is a Sunday we call "Christ the King" Sunday, in which we somethingate Christ as the victor..... Christ as the king.  Then we start all over again the following Sunday with Advent..... you know, the Mary-Joseph-Baby Jesus stuff.

But wait...... that's not all.  After Advent, we have the Christmas Season (no, it does not end at Midnight on December 25!), the Epiphany season, the season of Lent, (which includes Holy Week), the season of Easter, and then Pentecost.  And, that's where we find ourselves today..... coming to a close of the Easter Season..... the "40-ish" days after Christ's resurrection.  So, what's next?  You'd just love for me to tell you, wouldn't you?  Well, instead of me telling you, how 'bout this?  Check out Acts chapter 2.  I'll set the stage.  Jesus has been resurrected.  Jesus has appeared to disciples, and others.  Jesus gives them instructions to "Sit!  Stay!", and Jesus ascends "toward heaven."  OK.  Now....GO! ... check out Acts chapter 2.  (Hint:  it's got a couple of descriptions..... "the coming of the Holy Spirit," and "The birth of the church.")  

This year, Sunday May 27 is Pentecost Sunday.  So, go and do your homework before then!  And then, come prepared to answer the question:  "Do we eat black eyed peas during Advent?"

Comics - the Original Blog

Walk into just about anyone's office, home, place of business or personal space, and likely as not you'll find some kind of cartoon up on a wall or a bulletin board.  And, I would go out on a limb to say that 99% of the time it is not just a random comic..... it has direct (and humorous) relevance to that person's life, work, situation.... you name it. 

It is often said that in all humor, the truth is found.  I believe that.... that's why satire is so appealing to us.  It gives us a way to laugh at ourselves.  Some comics are just downright funny in a goofy kind of way, like the comic I have titled "Trouble in Pirate Church," in which pirates are being served communion wafers (crackers).  Of course, what's a pirate without a parrot sitting on his shoulder.  You get the picture.  To me, that's just downright funny in a goofy kind of way. 

Then, there are comics that make a statement about today's culture.  Like the comic that Kenny Gonzalez brought me last week.  It shows Moses standing on the mountaintop holding two stone tablets, with a voice coming from above that says ...........

I got a real chuckle out of that.

But, what about those comic strips, or little one frame funnies, that are humorous, yet make a powerful philosophical statement about life in general?  (a blog in pictures!.... the original blog!) In my own office, I have a framed "Peanuts" cartoon that I feel speaks not only to each of us in our own personal lives, but to the church as well.  In my mind, this particular "Peanuts" cartoon calls us to examine the way we do things, the way we view things, and the way we think about the world in general.  It asks us "what's more important..... preserving tradition at all costs, or changing and growing for the sake of the future?"

So, how would you answer those questions, both for yourself and the church?  Wanna know what Lucy said to Charlie Brown?  Just stop by my office sometime and take a look. 

Kentucky musings

Greetings from Kentucky!  I miss you all, but I’m having a great time of intensive learning and reconnecting with new friends I made this past summer.  As we got “caught up” with each other at dinner on Sunday night, I reported with joy and excitement all that is happening at Davis.  They were excited for us! 

It was a very long drive into Wilmore, Kentucky (just outside of Lexington), just about two full days.  The first day I made it as far as Memphis, which is almost exactly half way there.  The next day I drove from Memphis through Nashville, and on into Kentucky, arriving in Wilmore just after dark.  Just north of the Kentucky border I noticed something odd on the ground..... SNOW!  However, the next day, we had some Texas type weather with the temperature getting up to around 50, and the snow disappeared.  Right now, it’s back to being pretty cold, but no ice or snow in the forecast..... at least not for now. 

Have you ever heard someone say something to the effect of “on the trip, don’t miss the journey”?  I realized this to be true on my drive to Kentucky.  The first day, knowing I was in for a long drive, I had the radio on, and listened to a variety of things including my favorite tunes on my iPod, talk shows on the radio, and I even found a comedy channel or two.  Yet, I couldn’t find anything that really held my attention, and I was frustrated.  The second day of my drive (about 6-1/2 to 7 hours) I turned off the radio, and drove in silence.  This is the part that I loved, for in the silence, I took in the beauty of the scenery, and listened for God’s “still small voice” as I made my way, hour by hour, across the changing countryside.  On this day, I did not miss the journey, and this journey was a thing of beauty. 

So, I’m exhausted, but it’s a good kind of exhaustion.  My class is intense, but wonderful, and I am learning so much.  I am grateful to be here, but I am ready to come home soon.

Growing through ...... Irony?

Some things in life are either funny, or sad, or give us cause to think of things in a different way. That's what metaphor does, and so much of what we read, hear, and say are metaphors..... a way of saying or conveying something that makes you think of something else, or a way to teach something, or to get you thinking in a whole new or different way.  At least for me that's the way it often works. 

In some day-to-day common life circumstances, some things seems so ironic that we sometimes have to do a double-take to make sure that what we think we're seeing is what we're actually seeing.  Such as it was for me one morning as I was driving in to the office.  And, after a little chuckle to myself, I spent the time driving pondering the lesson of what I had just seen.  What am I supposed to take away from this? 

So.... it happened this way.  As I came through an intersection near my home, I noticed that the "turn around" lane that went under the bridge..... you know, that U-turn express lane that allows you to turn around without having to wait through the traffic lights?  Yeah, that one.  Anyway, I noticed that the U-turn lane was backed up.  "Well, that's not right" I thought to myself, and proceeded to go under the bridge.  That's when I could see what the back up was..... a big 18 wheeler, stopped cold in all 18 of it's tracks.  No one could get around it.  But wait..... I thought.... as I rounded the corner..... it's OK!!!  There's a tow truck right in front of it.  It will be out of there in only a few minutes.  But, as I completely turned the corner, getting on the other side of the intersection, I noticed that is wasn't the 18 wheeler that was broken down, but the tow truck!  Uh oh!  What happens when it is the tow truck that's broken down?  I guess he has to call the Daddy Tow Truck. 

So, what happens when the caretaker gets sick?  What happens when the healer is wounded?  When the child becomes the parent?  What happens when your trusted spiritual friend..... the one on whom you rely to give you support and encouragement..... becomes discouraged?   Are we sometimes called to a kind of role-reversal?  Are we called to grow emotionally and spiritually, so that we can become the caregiver, the healer, the encourager?  (ANSWER:  YES!).  God calls us to learn and grow.  And yes, it can be....IS..... scary.

These are the thoughts that crossed my mind for the next 20 minutes, and beyond, as I made the drive from home to church.  In fact, I pondered this most of the day.  So.... what does this say to you?

OK.  One more "ponderance."  What happens when we take the last garbage bag out of the box?  The box becomes the garbage, and in a shocking turn of events, goes INTO the garbage bag. 

Hummmmm..... I wonder if there is a lesson here?  Who knows!

The Devil Made Me Do It!

Well, it seems that I have a new alter-ego.  (Or, maybe that's "altar" ego, haha!)  Anyway, the now famous (or, maybe it's more like "infamous") Pastor Neecy came on the scene at the talent show on Oct. 15, and things just aren't quite the same.  Mailman Stevie just seems to get her going!

One of the things that Pastor Neecy seems concerned with is that old rascal "Satan."  Nasty guy, that Satan.  Seems that he's the cause of all our downfall..... all our ills...... all our misfortune!   Of course, it can't be anything with us...... it's all Satan.  That way, we don't have to take responsibility.  Or...... do we?

Through the ages "the devil" or "Lucifer" or "The Evil One" or "Satan" has been blamed for everything from the fall of "man," to the betrayal of Judas.  Comedian Flip Wilson (from the 1960's and early 70's) even had a whole act built around "The devil made me do it!"   Well, who knows..... maybe so.  But in reality, the concept of Satan runs much deeper than that.  Volumes and volumes have been written throughout the ages.  Names for "him" have been analyzed from the Hebrew and Greek.  And, there are still many questions.  When did this character actually appear in ancient writings?  What does "his" name mean?  How are we to understand this "character."  I could go on and on.

My question, however, is why do we try to embody that which is within our own humanity, our own character, as a kind of stereotypical "red devil" with a long spear-like tail, and horns?   Someone, or something, that we can blame our own mistakes and bad judgment on?  Who, or what, is this adversary?  I'm not saying that there is not evil..... REAL evil..... in this world.  I'm just saying that before we blame some real or imagined catalyst for our own mistakes, lapses in judgment, bad attitudes, bad decisions, and the ensuing consequences, we should first be looking deep within ourselves to see what the root cause is.  And that, my beloved, is our humanness.  That is our human condition.  It includes all of us! 

So, next time you blame something or someone else for a bad decision on your part, just ask yourself, did the devil really make me do it?.... or, do I take responsibility.  Just sayin'......

By the way, if you've never experienced Flip Wilson's "The Devil Made Me Do It," it's a classic!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SLifea3NHQ

Balance, Baby, Balance!

I hit the snooze alarm 3..... no wait.... 4 times this morning.  I was tired, because last night I stayed up real late.  I'm trying to balance family time with work and ministry time, school time, and self care time. 

I made a long list this morning.  Then I prioritized it.  But, as the morning goes on, I find that I am re-prioritizing it...... and adding to it as well.  Trying to find balance within ministry.

In April, I once again filed an extension on my income taxes.  Trying to balance my personal life and ministry.  Now, the Oct. 15 extended deadline is clawing at my backside, and I have not yet begun to organize my tax stuff.  Trying to balance something, but I'm not sure what.

I am experiencing joy beyond belief because I love ministry, I love my church, and I love my family.  Oh, yeah..... and I love God, too.  (Wait a minute!, Something is out of balance here......I need to re-order that list.  I love God, love my family, love ministry, and love my church..... yeah, that's much better)  Yet, I find that I am anxious much of the time.  Why?  Balance, baby, balance!  

I tend to be a perfectionist.  I tend to be a workaholic.  I tend to over-focus and over-function.  So, what's the result of that huge vacuous black hole of (lack of) balance to which I have just confessed?  Over-failure.  And, missing out.  At least in my mind.  So, I try harder and vow to do better.  But then I have to ask myself, as Dr. Phil would say, "How's that workin' for ya?"  Not well, Dr. Phil.  Not well at all. 

For me, the answer to this fuzzy.  It shouldn't be, but it is.  It's easy to sit down and write a list of priorities, and then re-prioritize the list as I add to it.  It's easy to say "I should have, I ought to have," or "I'm gonna start doing this, or I'm gonna start doing that."  The hard part is in follow through.  So, I find that for me the answer is often in a short "time out"  through spiritual renewal in retreat in silence and solitude, boundary setting, and good old fashioned self care.  But, the opportunities for that are rare.

Balance is an on-going action.  It's not just some kind of adjustment that you make once, and then you're set.  Someone once wrote about how a tight-rope walker uses a balancing pole, because they are constantly using it to shift weight here or there to stay in balance and not fall ........ it's on-going.  The same thing goes for our day-to-day lives.  We have priorities and routines, but then life happens..... that which is in the unseen.  Yet, one thing to remember is that God is in the unseen.  Nuff said?  Say yes!

So, in the meantime, I'll make my lists, file my extensions, and fall on my face.  But, I'll get back up again, because God picks us up, dusts us off, and gives us yet one more "do-over."  It's called grace.  And it usually comes with a lesson learned.  Not so that we can try harder and do better, but so that we can grow in God's grace. And the best part?  It's a gift!  It is God's gift of love to us.

Listen to your heart.  Listen to your body.  They won't lie to you, because the messages we get here are from the Holy Spirit..... God's presence within us.  And the message?  Balance, baby, balance!