I hit the snooze alarm 3..... no wait.... 4 times this morning. I was tired, because last night I stayed up real late. I'm trying to balance family time with work and ministry time, school time, and self care time.
I made a long list this morning. Then I prioritized it. But, as the morning goes on, I find that I am re-prioritizing it...... and adding to it as well. Trying to find balance within ministry.
In April, I once again filed an extension on my income taxes. Trying to balance my personal life and ministry. Now, the Oct. 15 extended deadline is clawing at my backside, and I have not yet begun to organize my tax stuff. Trying to balance something, but I'm not sure what.
I am experiencing joy beyond belief because I love ministry, I love my church, and I love my family. Oh, yeah..... and I love God, too. (Wait a minute!, Something is out of balance here......I need to re-order that list. I love God, love my family, love ministry, and love my church..... yeah, that's much better) Yet, I find that I am anxious much of the time. Why? Balance, baby, balance!
I tend to be a perfectionist. I tend to be a workaholic. I tend to over-focus and over-function. So, what's the result of that huge vacuous black hole of (lack of) balance to which I have just confessed? Over-failure. And, missing out. At least in my mind. So, I try harder and vow to do better. But then I have to ask myself, as Dr. Phil would say, "How's that workin' for ya?" Not well, Dr. Phil. Not well at all.
For me, the answer to this fuzzy. It shouldn't be, but it is. It's easy to sit down and write a list of priorities, and then re-prioritize the list as I add to it. It's easy to say "I should have, I ought to have," or "I'm gonna start doing this, or I'm gonna start doing that." The hard part is in follow through. So, I find that for me the answer is often in a short "time out" through spiritual renewal in retreat in silence and solitude, boundary setting, and good old fashioned self care. But, the opportunities for that are rare.
Balance is an on-going action. It's not just some kind of adjustment that you make once, and then you're set. Someone once wrote about how a tight-rope walker uses a balancing pole, because they are constantly using it to shift weight here or there to stay in balance and not fall ........ it's on-going. The same thing goes for our day-to-day lives. We have priorities and routines, but then life happens..... that which is in the unseen. Yet, one thing to remember is that God is in the unseen. Nuff said? Say yes!
So, in the meantime, I'll make my lists, file my extensions, and fall on my face. But, I'll get back up again, because God picks us up, dusts us off, and gives us yet one more "do-over." It's called grace. And it usually comes with a lesson learned. Not so that we can try harder and do better, but so that we can grow in God's grace. And the best part? It's a gift! It is God's gift of love to us.
Listen to your heart. Listen to your body. They won't lie to you, because the messages we get here are from the Holy Spirit..... God's presence within us. And the message? Balance, baby, balance!
